The Speculation Blues
The Speculation Blues
By: Mark Hebner
Well the lure of fast money
makes you think active
But the record proves
that you're better off Passive
Professors came to
a shocking conclusion
The active advantage
was just an illusion
The stock market gamble
can be an addiction
You'll search, but won't find
that winnin' prediction
Traders devour the news
like a school of piranha
While the passive find peace
in a tradeless nirvana
The bets laid down
on predictin' that news
Will surely bring on
the Speculation Blues
All them scholars toilin'
at the universities
Uncovered the fact that risk
was just probabilities
They said that investors
should diversify
And tell their stock brokers
good luck and goodbye
Traders oughta learn
from Nobel Laureates
But they keep on makin'
them long and short bets
Once you get the efficient
market hypothesis
You'll no longer be fooled
by market randomness
Stockaholics search
for the best stock to choose
But end up cryin'
The Speculation Blues
Instead of Morgan or Cramer
or Barney or Lynch
You're better off with Bogle
or Fama or French
The wisdom of crowds
throughout the land
Will act like the force
of the invisible hand
Everyone knows
there ain't no free lunch
But the pickers keep thinkin'
they can win from a hunch
Your broker's out buyin'
himself a fine yacht
And you're gettin' nothin'
from the stocks that he bought
Stock gamblin' can be
like drinkin' that booze
Leavin' you singin'
the Speculation Blues
Market timers dream
of makin' a killin' on a trend
But buyin' and holdin'
wins out in the end
Fund managers trade
as if taxes don't matter
But tradin' too much
just makes Uncle Sam fatter
Silent partners have a feast
from most investors
But you know that they suck the least
from the savvy investor
Traders think that money
grows from speculation
But indexers know
it's just risk compensation
Trades placed online
just guessing tomorrow's news
Leads those gamblers into
The Speculation Blues
So before investing
your hard earned green
Catch a good vibe
for the variance and the mean
The smart money man
is best served
By checkin' out
how the bell is curved
For when it's skinny
and the average is high
The trader can't beat it
no matter how he try
A risk taker gots'ta know
his risk capacity
Then hang on for his payout
with true tenacity
While the passive relax
on a tropical cruise
The active are singin'
the Speculation Blues
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