The Speculation Blues

The Speculation Blues

By: Mark Hebner

Well the lure of fast money
makes you think active
But the record proves
that you're better off Passive

Professors came to
a shocking conclusion
The active advantage
was just an illusion

The stock market gamble
can be an addiction
You'll search, but won't find
that winnin' prediction

Traders devour the news
like a school of piranha
While the passive find peace
in a tradeless nirvana

The bets laid down
on predictin' that news
Will surely bring on
the Speculation Blues

All them scholars toilin'
at the universities
Uncovered the fact that risk
was just probabilities

They said that investors
should diversify
And tell their stock brokers
good luck and goodbye

Traders oughta learn
from Nobel Laureates
But they keep on makin'
them long and short bets

Once you get the efficient
market hypothesis 
You'll no longer be fooled
by market randomness

Stockaholics search
for the best stock to choose
But end up cryin'
The Speculation Blues

Instead of Morgan or Cramer
or Barney or Lynch
You're better off with Bogle
or Fama or French

The wisdom of crowds
throughout the land
Will act like the force
of the invisible hand

Everyone knows
there ain't no free lunch
But the pickers keep thinkin'
they can win from a hunch

Your broker's out buyin'
himself a fine yacht
And you're gettin' nothin'
from the stocks that he bought

Stock gamblin' can be
like drinkin' that booze
Leavin' you singin'
the Speculation Blues

Market timers dream
of makin' a killin' on a trend
But buyin' and holdin'
wins out in the end

Fund managers trade
as if taxes don't matter
But tradin' too much
just makes Uncle Sam fatter

Silent partners have a feast
from most investors
But you know that they suck the least
from the savvy investor

Traders think that money
grows from speculation
But indexers know
it's just risk compensation

Trades placed online
just guessing tomorrow's news
Leads those gamblers into
The Speculation Blues

So before investing
your hard earned green
Catch a good vibe
for the variance and the mean

The smart money man
is best served
By checkin' out
how the bell is curved

For when it's skinny
and the average is high
The trader can't beat it
no matter how he try

A risk taker gots'ta know
his risk capacity
Then hang on for his payout
with true tenacity

While the passive relax
on a tropical cruise
The active are singin'
the Speculation Blues

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